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Music in a Noisy Silence
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in yodhan's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, November 8th, 2007
4:31 am
NaNo, Chapter 1
The minute hand of the clock clicked over a space, landing on the 12, showing the time to be 5 P.M. 'Okay guys...that's all for today.' Alex
shut the notebook infront of him and took his glasses off. 'For next week, I want you to read the beginning of 'Truth Needs No Ally' and
come to class prepared to tell me why you think that the people need to tell the truth. Also, as always, bring any news feeds in that you
find that you think are either interesting or real. Have a good weekend and don't do anything too stupid.'

The students got up off of their stools and began packing up their laptop computers into their various bags, most shocked with bright
colors and bizarre trademark designs. It always amused Alex to see these bags, coupled with their clothing. Today's youth were walking
billboard adverisements for the various companies that they used, and yet the companies still found in nessesary to cover every flat serface
of the city with video boards flashing their latest add campaign. He looked down at his clothes and shrugged; black slacks, a red button up
shirt with no tie. Very indistinct and not a trademark in sight...very teacher, Of course, this wasn't what he always wore. He remembered the
dark pants and long black coat he wore when he was a working journalist. He made a mental note to talk to his students about the
clothing that they should be wearing. He thought back to his clothing. Now...he was just a teacher.But, then again, he was one of the few
teachers of the school who actually saw his students face to face. For over a century now, most classes had been taught over the Net.

The net, he hated the word. Not only had societies perceptions changed about what was defined as 'human interaction', but they also found it nessesary to shorten almost every word into a hip, one or two sylable word that made common conversation extrememly boring. Gone was the word 'internet', and long gone was the infamous word 'cyberspace'. Now, in the future, Alex wondered what William Gibson, writter of a genre of science fiction that was set in this time period, as well as the man who coined the epic word, would think of his future. All in
all, he was pretty close to being right. 

He got the megacorporations right, but misses slightly on the governments. There are still national governments, but they are hardly
the bodies of power that ruled the world in the twentieth century. They do keep some sort of peace between eachother, and try and make
laws that give the people a semblance of humanity, but they are really just a figure head now. The companies hold so much power, their CEO's often pulling the strings behind the major politicians. The 70th Amendment, the one barring any chairperson of a major corporation from holding public office, was one of the most corrupt amendments ever passed in his opinion. Unless he thought hard about the Prohibition. Somewhere inside his brain, he thought that someone in the government was in bed with the gangsters and getting paid very well for their bed services. Before, when the CEO's, or Emperor's as they were known in a few shadier circles, were exposed for their conflicts of interest, their associations with the megacorporation was exposed and held reposible. Now that the Emperor's were the string pullers ,there was nothing to connect the corrupt politicians with the corrupt corporations that were making all the moves except that they would be staying in the same level of Hell.

The technology had moved forward as well. Vast advances had been made in the fields of science and medicine. Gone are the times where there was a huge line between machine technology and people. Biotechnology was now one of the largest fields in science and one of the largest bussiness in the world right now. The companies had yet completely gotten rid of the barriers between the human body and the technology they were creating, but they had signifigantly blurred it. The average person walking down the street had at least one artificial piece of their body replaced. Medicine had advanced far enough that doctors could predict problems with many body parts and had taken to replacing them with biomechanical subsitutes as soon as the body was done developing. Alex himself had a biomechanical heart due to family predisposition for heart problems. They had not yet made the advancements of having the mind being able to control computers, as
some people had expected, but the newer hacker had enhanced nervous systems and hands that could move faster than a normal human ever could.

Man had already landed on the Moon in the 1960's. Now man lived on the Moon. There wasn't much to it. It there were a few cities there. The cities were just like the ones on Earth, covered with domes. The main attraction of the Moon was that it was the Las Vegas of the 22nd century. In Vagabond City, you could get your hands on anything you wanted, legal or illegal. Alex had been there once, working on a story about the very subject. As far as he could tell, everything was legal as long as you worked for Lunar Minerals Tech. plant or had the right amount of money. Lunar Material Tech used the low gravity and lack of rules about emissions on the Moon to make chemicals and other products that they were unable to make on Earth since all of the polution laws were passed. In his younger years, Vagabond City would have been fun for Alex, when he wasn't on assignment. Now, he barely thought about it. The only difference he really found otherwise was the gravity difference. It made the sports games kind of fun. of course, since there was a gravity difference, it was recommended that you only stayed on the Moon for a couple of months at a time, else there were 'adverse physical effects.' Those who stayed there longer, mainly due to their jobs, had virtually full body overhauls done to compensate for the degenerated muscles. It was a tourist trap. Mars was a science outpost. Still working on a viable way to terraform it into a livable place with a breathable atmosphere. They got close a few times, making it so you only needed a breathing filter and suit to protect you from the winds, but then the Terran Terrorist Force bombed one of the atmosphere plants as usual, and, as usual, when one plant went down, they others couldn't take the load and they almost all of the ground they had lost. Alex had been there once. 'Hell paved with red sand' he called it in his column. He never planned on going back. Eventualy, man would outgrow Earth, but it would be long after his time was done. Weaponry was pretty much the same. Lasers and ray guns hadn't really worked. They still took too much power to carry around and use them effectively. They no longer used gunpowder. Guns used electromagnets to throw their rounds faster and harder. Armor was better, weapons were better. Man was still just as fragile and looking newer ways to hurt eachother in more effective and uglier way.

Sighing, Alexander shook himself from the reverie that was his musing about late 20th century literature. Given the oppourtunity and podium, he would rant for some time that nothing good had happened in the hundred years since then, postulating that the last true music came from the late 1970's and that no writer had penned anything remotely original since the early 21st century, usualy stating that Neil Gaiman was the last novelist that was worthy of having their work put to paper. Before it all fell apart, Alex was known as the journalist who
wore 'weird' clothing and could always be picked out of a crowd due to his fashion sense. That was if his actions were not already calling
attention to himself, frequently being seen walking around with a camera and getting into places he shouldn't be and asking the
questions everyone thought about but no one asked, the answers, or lack of answers if the were politicians, being published in his daily
column in the City Word. Blue synthetic pants that looked remarkably like denim, a black button down shirt, the neck always undone, a
black, calf length coat made of synthetic leather, and a black fedora covering his short brown hair. Now, his brown hair was shoulder
length, commonly pulled back into a ponytail and his self-dubbed 'street clothing' and camera were in a box in the back corner of his
closet with a label marked 'Open only in case of War' on the top. He occasionally wore the hat when he felt a bit nostalgic. Most of the
time it sat on the corner of his bed post, it's old resting place.

Alex disconnected the computer from the schools intranet and folded it up, sliding it into his satchel bag. He checked his watch. 5:10. He
had been lammenting about his past for ten minutes. He shook his head, a small smirk crossing his lips. No point in coveting it. He was done with that life, unless he had a death wish. He walked to the door and looked at the small black plate on the wall at eye level, letting it scan his retina. His name popped up and he pressed his thumb to the corresponding black plate on the wall. The screen came up with a series of options. he tapped the 'Lock Class' button and then walked out, letting the door whisk shut behind him. He walked down the hall and out to the main street.

The City was a grid of buildings, almost all of them over one hundred stories tall. There was hardly any rhyme or reason to the system, except to go higher. Finally, sometime in the early 21st century, someone had realized that they were building out when they should have been building up. Many people freaked out when the construction projects began, taking down the old builidings, but the plans worked. The main argument that the Environmental movement stated was that there would be nothing natural left to sustain the planet or man. By consolidating the major cities into smaller, taller, pods of habitation, nature could thrive outside the walls of the cities and we could keep the natural life that kept the planet going. Now, outside the tall walls of the city, aside from the hyper-express lanes between the cities an the occasional 'museum city', there was only nature. Up and coming thriving green life to keep the oxygen flowing. Hardly anyone complained anymore. Only the old people who remembered the sprawled out cities and the polluted air, and they were drown out. Now that everything was consolidated, the need for vehicles was almost non-existent and many things could be gotten to by walking the skyways and taking the many elevators or escalators. There was public transportation that traveled the tops of the buildings on rails for those who needed to get to the other sides of the city in a great hurry. In all reality, the 'streets' were really very wide walkways fitted to the sides of the buildings. Walkways crossed the canyons gaps between the buildings. Finally, people of North America were in shape due to the walking they had to do.

There were three layers to the City. The top layer was where most of the white collar jobs were situated, as well as the housing for the more affluent. One thing that never left society was the rich wanting large domiciles. They were no longer sprawling mansions with acres of land, but penthouses that would take up many floors and have rooftop balconies with pools and tennis courts. The middle of the City was where most everything happened. Malls, housing, factories, entertainment and everything else you could imagine was here. Housing here ranged from one floored multi room penthouses for the upper middle class to one bedroom and one living room apartments for those who didn't earn quite as much. The bottom levels of the city were something else. The more dirty jobs and the least expensive housing was down there, as was the less reputable forms of entertainment and business. Most of the housing down there were apartments that were one room about fifteen foot by eight foot. Some areas were dirty and rough around the edges, and some were down right dangerous. If you were looking for a strip club, someone to spend the night with or a fix of whatever the newest drug was, this was your level. This was also where all the illegal 'bodyshops' and weapons dealers dwelt. The police stayed out. Unless they brought their problems up to the levels of the civilized people, they didn't bring their law below the 20th Story. Now, if you did something wrong up top and ran down, don't think you would get off easy. They'll chase you down and probably kill you for the trouble of going south, and that is if the low dwellers don't do the dirty work for them for bringing the law down there. Not all the people down there were bad. Some were good people and just didn't have the money to move up and just rode it out.

The school Alexander taught at was on the upper part of the Middle. He walked out onto the street and headed for the nearest elevator. Most of them were large platforms that could hold hundreds of people, moving mass amounts of people up and down. He headed down to Level 48 and walked towards his favorite cafe to frequent after work. Cafe Metropolis was his favorite cafe because it held the vibe of the city in it. Common people from all around the City came here to do business and get their fix of synthetic caffine. He walked in and found a seat in a corner where he could watch the people come and go, ordering a triple esspresso. He pulled hi computer from its bag and jacked the power cable into the seat jack, linking to the main City Net. As he opened the computer, news feeds started in all corners of the screen, scrolling across. To anyone else, they would see a myriad of words too confusing to read all at once, but Alex was used to it. Although he was out of the news bussiness himself, he still stayed in it. He pulled a pair of glasses out of his coat pocket and put them on. Instantly his compute screen turned from a two dimensional surface to a three dimensional space of words that floated by like clouds. Resting his hand over the keyboard, he slipped a black ring on and began moving his thumb along the three axis of space. The words moved with him as if her were navigating a galaxy of scrolling characters. He knew where everything was. Anyone else would be so lost it would take them forever to find anything useful, mush less what they were looking for, unless they were very lucky.

He ran through all the new news links that he cared to follow, seeing through all of the propaganda and PR bullshit, deducing the truth from the lies as he had done for years. Then he flipped to his mail. A package had arrived at his flat that he had ordered. He knew what it was a smiled. Also, his friend from Los Angeles was in town and wanted to meet for diner after his meeting with his publisher. At the bottom of the list was flashing message from a domain he didn't know. Although there were a ton of domains, Alex kept up with the information side of technology and knew what domains were being used as fronts for scams and illegal fronts, not to mention which ones were common for most people. It wasn't from any megacorporation, although they never contacted him anymore. They tried for a while after he quite writing, trying to field him as a Public Relations writer. With his trademark sick sense of humor, he bid them all against each other, asking for direct communication with the board members, and then turned them down, calling each of them 'a bunch of pompous, self-fellatiating, twisted retard fuckers.' The messages stopped rather quickly. Alex clicked his thumb and forefinger together to open the message.

Mr. Valentine. You don't know me and I know you only by reputation. I know you don't write anymore, much to my dismay.

Great...another dick sucking fan boy. He really should feel honored, but he got tired of these messages three years ago.

Someone of a more...questionable...profession refered me to you. I have information you would love to publish.
3:20 am
I guess I never thought I was going to be in this position again. Last time I was here, i was convinced I was dead. Cooped up in the corner of a seedy hotel room, computer in my lap, writting my final words our for everyone else to read, yet still alone. Then it was all over. The proverbial shit had already hit the fan, but the outcome was nowhere near as messy as i thought it would be. We were all raised being taught that there are consequences to our actions. I think the worst that ever happened was that we got spanked by our parents for saying something stupid. WHo would have thought that twenty seven years later, I would be facing my own death for saying the truth? And then, five years later, I would be doing the same thing? But, then again, can I fault myself for speaking the truth when I have discovered it? I made a vow to myself and the public to find the truth and speak it when I began being a journalist. Last time, I told the truth, I was silenced. Not willingly, but with enough 'insentive' to keep quiet to make me silent. When you are staring down the barrel of a proverbial gun, and the gun is being held by a government that is fully capable of pulling the trigger, and torturing you first, you listen to them, I fell off the grid. I stopped writting. I stopped reporting, I took a job as a teacher, I taught journalism of all things, ironically. I guess the liberal president of the college thought that it would be funny to have the journalist that wrote the infamous story that could have toppled a governmet teaching the up and comming journalists of his college. I thought it was funny too...so I took the job. For five years, I have dodged questions about why I quit. Part of the deal was me not speaking about why I quit. I told htem that I felt that I had spoken the truth and was done. Inside, I was exploding. The truth is never 'done'. I saw so many lies, knowing how the propganda was spun and fed to the masses, seeing all of the smoke and mirrors. The only way I could even try and live with my actions and still fullfill my vow was to teach as I believed. Question everything and never believe what you hear. There is no other way to live if you really want to know what is going on. My first students were idealists without the spine to really do what they said they were going to do. I saw a classrooms of journalist fan-kids who were going to be molded into the talking heads and puppets of the common media. It took everything I had to not vomit on them when I was trying to teach them what they needed to know to be a journalist. Then, about three semesters into my teaching career, I saw a glimmer of hope. Someone who actually asked questions about the assignments, He didn't know what to do, but he knew what he wanted to do. It was a breath of fresh air. I was not going to die as the last truth seeking journalist. What I lived for would live on through someone else. At least until he did the same thing I did. I was fully expecting to be watching a news feed and see his name come up on some story that would tip the country on its side, if there was a country left to be tipped. I would have sat back and been proud, telling everyone 'I taught him.' Then I would wonder if he would bow down and cop out like I did...or if he would keep his spine and dissapear, only his final words of truth being his legacy. Would he be like me, joining the ranks of teachers...someone who could no longer do, so he would teach? Or would he be better than me, a grave somewhere with no one to go and leave flowers? Nothing but the short rememberance of being the man who had the balls to say what he thought and what he found, only to be forgotten about as quick as he appeared. More students came that had what it took to be what a journalist was, and to them I fed every bit of information I could. I built their spines as much as I could. I was making my own little legion of question asking rebels. Maybe the truth would live on for just a little bit more. Then I got an email. I got a lot of emails, mostly fan boys who were all hard for how I stuck it to the man five years before. Yeah...like i needed some wannabe rebel jerking me off through the internet with their words of praise. The ultimate praise for me would have been them seeking the truth themselves. But this one was awkward. It was from some domain that I had not seen before. They cropped up occasionally, but they never lasted long with all of the mega-corps around making sure nothing had a chance of getting more than a foot off the ground. They wanted me to write for them. I figured that wouldn't be a problem. I can write a little paper on journalism. I had been writting them for years, Papers that never really addressed what they wanted me to address. I bet everytime I wrote one of those drivelish pieces of shit, the people who I wrote them for were pissed. Yet they always kept comming back, asking for more. Maybe they thought that I would finally answer the infamous question 'Why did you quit?' I fielded the email, asking the typical questions about who they were and what I would be writting for. I gotta hand it to them...they didn't beat around the bush. They flat out told me that they had some information about a project the government was working one, something right up my alley, yet they had no way of getting in deeper, nor getting it to the public. And who other then the famous Alexander Valentine to send the news world spinning again? At first, I thought that it was the government testing me, trying to see if I would keep my word or if I would jump at the chance of stabbing them in the back again. Would I have? Without a doubt. Well, I did, didn't I? I guess the next few hours will test my theory. Will they come and make good on their promise? If not, this is only the beginning of my return, of my uprising.

If so, this is a final story from Alexander Valentine, the last journalist.
Wednesday, October 31st, 2007
12:13 am
Music Again

There is a possibility that I may be playing bass in a band with one of the guys from work. He already has another guitar player, but is in need of a guy to cover the low end.

I figure it would be fun to get back into playing with other people.

Plus...bass players get you off with two fingers. ;)

Sunday, October 28th, 2007
9:40 pm
Novelist...another thing to add to bag o' tricks...I think.
November is going to be interesting. I am going to participate in a movement/event called Nation Novelist Writters Month. The idea is that you write a 50,000 word novel in one month. Is it insane? Yes. Am I going to lose sleep and possibly the small shred of sanity that I have left doing this? Maybe. Am I looking forward to it? Absolutley.

My story is going to be a bit of a science fiction mystery story about a journalist in the cyberpunk future. I am not incredibly sure what will come of it. I haven't even figured out a name for my character yet (a small point, but a bit one really). I do know that the novel is going to be written from first person for most of the book, with some chapters possibly in third person with the focus on another character. I think that it will most likely be incredibly weird and full of tons of random crap and stuff like that. I do have a bit of a plot line outlined in my head. I have the beginning and what is going to happen to get the story going. I don't really have an end. Or a middle for that matter. But I do have the back story of the character. I talked some of the story over with Brooke while we were waiting in line for the Nightwish show last night. I am somewhat anxious to see what is going to come out of this. I don't know if I am going to get to the 50,000 word goal my November 30th. It is my first time trying this. I do think i have an editor for the story whenever I do get it finished. 

Here's to me going for being a novelist. I certainly hope that it goes well and I do not go absolutley crazy.
Sunday, October 7th, 2007
11:27 pm
A slow day, but a fun one.
Today, in the midst of no one being in our store, a couple of us got together and started a conversation with the line, 'So what kind of shiny things are we going to get with our Christmas bonus checks in January...spare no dirty details.' It then turned into 'What is the highest priced piece of gear that we want.' Then, sensibly, it became 'Seriously...if you had about 600 bucks and could buy something to accent your rig, what would it be.' It was actually fun.

I pulled my old Mesa amp out of its box and fired it up and realized why I bought it in the first place. It is so nice. Not quite as versatile as my Hughes and Kettner Switchblade, but nice none the less. I am planning on selling it at work for some extra money.

I checked out the place that I am going to live when I move out of here next month. The room is a bit smaller than I thought it would be, but it will work just fine. I am quite looking forward to living in a home where I don't have all the drama...and, you know...somewhere my girlfriend can actually come and visit me.

I am tired...for some reason. Oh, yeah...slept like shit last night. Get me the fuck out of here.
Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007
9:52 pm
Getting back into the swing of things.
For months now, something has been lacking in my life. There has been a void that I have been unable to fill, despite my previous efforts. Finally, it feels as if it starting to fill again.

It all started in Detroit. I went to a car museum with my Mom. There were a few cars that I wanted to take pictures of. She took typical car pictures. Let's just say that I didn't when the camera was in my hand. (I should have those pictures in due time)

I walked out yesterday, camera bag on my back, iPod on my hip, and took pictures of what I saw. In general, it was a lot of pictures of the leaves turning on the trees, something that I normally do not photograph. But it was something. I did find a few things around town that I thought were interesting, so I photographed them. Ideas began forming in my head. I started writting in my Moleskin, documenting ideas and thoughts of what I could do, what I could shoot. I took a few pictures at work today, documenting the finalists of the Drum-Off and the winner and all that stuff. It was nothing big, but I felt good with the camera in my hand. I felt alive.

Suddenly I feel like something is making sense in all of this madness that has been my life for the past three months. I lost my stride when my camera was stolen. It was like losing a friend. I got a new one, but it wasn't the same. It was shinier and didnt feel the same. It didn't have the same knicks and scratches. It didn't feel right around my neck. I finally got over it and just strapped the new one on and forgot about what it felt like and just kept clicking the shutter.

I'm back. And I love it.
Monday, October 1st, 2007
10:37 pm
A long time gone...
Not sure why I even have this. I am not sure what to say.

I moved to Michigan, largely against the wishes and advice of my friends. I am still in contact with some of them. Not so much with others. That saddens me in some ways.

I had a bit of a bad experience almost getting back together with Carmen as I was leaving. Lets just say that I am not going to be doing that.

I had all my camera gear stolen in Oklahoma City on the way across. Sucked.

I thought about trying to get things working with Cherish. Didn't work...for obvious reasons. Yet I still live in her basement.

I got a job at Sears...they fucked me over. I now work at Guitar Center. It rocks.

I spent two and a half months thinking I should move back. That's all changed. I am happy where I am.

I have a girlfriend and am very content with her. Things could not be more amazing right now.
Tuesday, April 24th, 2007
11:05 pm
Inspiration in the face of defeat.
It has been a while since I have posted anything. It is not that I feel like my life has been without substance. A lot of interesting things have happened to me recently, maybe not for the best. I will try and summarize them in this post as best I can.

I think that the impending move has caused me some stress. I feel different. A lot older. Physically I feel more worn out. Maybe it is spending all my spare time online trying to find more information on stuff. I am consistantly tired. I started taking my meds again, which I was off of for about 3 weeks. Suprisingly, during that three week period, I did not get depressed. Normally if I got more than a week without my medication, I get depressed. Not 'slash my wrists' depressed, but 'melancholy and infinite sadness' depressed. Didn't happen this time. But i figure I should eat mroe than one meal a day.

I am still doing a musical exploration by listening to my iPod or iTunes on shuffle. It is interesting to hear what I have in collection. I am back up to over 7500 songs, and I have not ripped everything I was given by my Mother and that I bought.

I got the cd by the band Hell Yeah, which is a metal super groups consisting of the singer and guitar player from Mudvayne and Vinne Paul of Pantera on drums. It is interesting. I have only heard it once through, but there are a few promising songs. A bit too screaming for me in places, but I like some of the songs.

I started persuing street photography with my Holga....er...Holga's, now that I have two (whole 'nother story to come in the next paragraph). I developed 8 rolls of film from the past week today int eh dark room and sent another five to the lab for processing because they are color. Thats 13 damn rolls in one week I shot. I think that is a record..at least since my last project in Photo1A. Even then, I think that was only a 10 roll project, and I shot that over a couple weeks. But this is 12 exposure film...so I really didnt shoot as many pictures. Most looked like they came out decently exposure wise. I need to scan them and go through and see what is good.

The reason I got the second Holga is two fold. One...you can never have too many 20 dollar plastic toy cameras. Second, and the more important reason, is because I am planning a project (that I would love to become a book called 12AM: Midnight Openings) where I am going to take pictures of the people who go to various midnight openings of movies and book openings. I want to capture the fan-dom and near zealous nature of these people. I should know...I was at the theater for the ast Star Wars move for 12 hours before the show. I mainly want to get portraits of people in costume or who have been there for a while and get their story and make a set of pictures and stories. All the while of this idea being in my head, I have been getting into my Holga a lot, and I decided it would be cool to take the pictures with the Holga. The problem is that you have to shoot in sunlight to get a decent picture, or use a flash. My Holga has a built in flash, but the light is really flat looking with it and I am tired of on camera flash lighting. Sadly, my camera does not have a hot-shoe adaptor for an external flash, like my Nikon flashes.

So, I got Samy's and get one. Now I have a bag with two Holga's, one wth a sync cord attached, and one of my flashes with a small soft-box diffuser for it. Looking at the negatives, the setup is great for night portraits that have cool lighting.

I think that I am going to do most of the project in black and white with a few color photos that are more wide angled of lots of people. I prefer the ideas of the people portraits being in black and white. I will experiment with my first show, the opening of Spiderman 3 in a few weeks. The other ones I have planned so far are Pirates of the Caribean and Harry Potter. I plan on covering both the movie and the book opening, seeing that they will both be populated with fans. If anyone hears about any other midnight showings, let me know.

I am getting a laser treatment on Thursday. I am very looking forward to it, as I am anxiously awaiting when I can get my tattoo.

I have started reading a comic called DMZ. It is about a time where a second civil war has errupted in the United States and Manhattan Island is the DMZ, the border between the rebel 'Free States' of middle America, and the East Coast United States of America. In the story, a photojournalism intern goes to the DMZ with a world famous photojournalist who ends up getting killed. The main character then decides that someone needs to show the world what is really going on there. It is gritty and real. I love it. It's like Transmetropolitan meets pictures.

I reek of developer.

I need to scan my negatives.

I am stockpiling a film that has been discontinued by Kodak. I have 14 rolls. I need more. I know I will eventually have to fins some other color film for the Holga, but for right now, I want to get about 30 rolls for my road trip. Thats only 360 pictures. I know that there is a whole lot of nothing between here and MI, but there is also a lot of cool stuff on Route 66. Maybe I need something more like 60 rolls. GRRRR. I found a place on line that has some, but I can't figure out how to order it. I am calling them tommorow. They are located here in Hollywood, and it is only $5 a roll. Very good deal. I was bidding on 4 rolls on eBay, but I got bid-sniped. I want more!

I have embrace Google as my homepage, with all my various favorite add-ons and RSS feeds now. So addicting, yet so time saving. It takes me five minutes to get all the info I want. No more searching a whole bunch of different sites for info. So nerdy, I know, but I love it.

Okay. I go to read my comic in bed.
Wednesday, April 11th, 2007
10:34 am
The Soundtrack to Life
Today, aside from a stint of Phil Collins, Genesis and Shadows Fall, I only listened to the score soundtracks to movies. The two main ones were Planet Terror and the scores from The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions. This is mostly due to a conversationw with Andrew yesterday before astronomy. Listening to this stuff has made really want to dig out all the music software and hardware I have and plug it all in and start writting some orchestral/electronic music. Sadly, the box containing most of the said software and hardware was the first one I packed and is at the bottom of a very large stack of heavy boxes.

I took some cool pictures of a '32 Ford convertable today with my Holga while I was driving. I should have them posted sometime tommorow. I printed out something like 11 pictures today. One was for Jesse as a 'thank you' for helping me with my assignments by being my assistant and for being a sounding board for ideas. Another picture was for my Mom that I have been meaning to print for months now. I bought her a frame specifically for this picture and have yet to print it. Now I can't find the fram because she hid it. Grrr... The others were mostly Holga pictures, and one other one that I wanted to bring in to class. The last one, which is a big picture, is just fucking beautiful.

Day three as a Catholic. The only side effect I have noticed, besides feeling remarkably happy with myself is that I have not been that sexually aroused. Slight stint of it yesterday...nothing big or special. Maybe I am just not in that state of mind. Maybe my libido washed away with my sin. *shrug* Not like I have anyone here to use it on.

I just had a good all around day. I was a little lonely for a bit of it, mainly wanting to share my good day with someone in particular who means a lot to me, but otherwise I was great.

I feel the urge to make a drink with tequila and orange juice in it, run a bath and just relax. I think I am going to do that.
Tuesday, April 10th, 2007
10:04 am
Some time and I am still here...
It has been a while since I posted anything. Let's see...what has happened. I was baptized on Saturday. Yes, I am officially a full blooded, flesh eatting, blood drinking, Catholic. Much to the dismay of some people in my life. I don't care though. I actually had a lot of support from some people that I hadn't expected. My Mom and Mira came, which I was not really expecting. Elle came, and bless her soul, kept me from freaking out right before. For some reason I was really freaked out and nervous right before the ceremony began. I had people there in spirit who couldn't be there because of the distance. Thank you Cherish and Anna for your words of wisdom and support. I wish you guys could have been there.

I slept in very late on Sunday, simply because I was tired and I could. Then I got up and saw the Grindhouse Double Feature with Andrew. That movie was awesome. The first movie, Planet Terror, which was directed by Robert Rodrieguez, was a piece of zombie cinema beauty, and the music was so beautiful that I went and bought the soundtrack that night. Deathproof was a typical Quentin Tarrantino mindfuck. You never really found out what the main character's deal was...except that he was fuck crazy. But the cars, the driving stunts...so nice.

I went out and bought Bad Boys II and The Scorpion King last night. Neither are pieces of cinematic genius or anything, but The Scorpion King completed out the Mummy Trilogy for my collection and I like Bad Boys II...Bruckheimer...'nuff said.

I amd up tonight ripping music and listening to music I haven't listened to in a while.

I started writting a blues riff yesterday while watching The Scorpion King. It just came out of nowhere. I am going to mess with it a bit more and see what happens.

I was told that I looked sophisticated today. Dang haircut, got me looking all sophisticated. It was that, or the fact that I was in work clothes. Tommorow I will look better. Earrings in, jeans, badass shirt of some sort, black boots, black fedora. Yeah...I think so.

I am going to go do...something.
Friday, April 6th, 2007
10:24 am
A Neverending Cycle
Come up with idea, take picture, edit picture, upload/print picture, admire picture...repeat.

The longest part is the editing...and it is the part I like the least. I like taking the picture and I like the finished project.

One photoshoot today, editting the shoot, and uploading the rest of the film pictures I took last week. I am at 70% of my monthly bandwidth for this month on Flickr...it is the 6th. I think I need to upgrade to a pro account. It's only $24.95.

I realize that I have not let my parents see any of my work lately...when I let all of the digital world see it. Weird. I don't know if my father cares. My Mom told me today that she saw someone in a Masters of Fine Arts program in Idaho, where she was looking at a school to go to, that had nothing on me photographically. That made me feel at least a little good.
Wednesday, April 4th, 2007
11:50 am
Full moon on the rise
I went out on a photo expedition today. I filmed my RAM card with more pictures of me driving. I drove through Hollywood and got stuck in traffic during rush hour. I am quite happy with how the 'shoot' went.

I scanned the negatives that I took with my Holga and Minolta camera's. I almost screamed. They are so amazing. I am in the process of uploading some of them up to my Flickr right now.

Looks like I shuld have some sort of photo shoot planned on Thursday, if everything falls into place. Haven't had one of those in a while.

Flickr is taking forever.

Tequila, OJ, and margarita mix is wonderful...makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

I do not want to go to work tommorow. Of course, I can't think of too many days that I do want to go.

Sonata Arctica rocks. Full Moon is a good song.

Sitting in a corner all alone,
staring from the bottom of his soul,
watching the night come in from the window

It'll all collapse tonight, the fullmoon is here again
In sickness and in health, understanding so demanding
It has no name, there's one for every season
Makes him insane to know

Running away from it all
"I'll be safe in the cornfields", he thinks Hunted by his own,
again he feels the moon rising on the sky

Find a barn which to sleep in, but can he hide anymore
Someones at the door, understanding too demanding
Can this be wrong, it's love that is not ending
Makes him insane to know

She should not lock the open door
(run away, run away, run way)
Fullmoon is on the sky and He's not a man anymore
See the change in Him but can't
(run away, run away, run away)
See what became out of her man... Fullmoon

Swimming across the bay,
the nite is gray, so calm today
She doesn't wanna wait.
"We've gotta make the love complete tonight..."

In the mist of the morning he cannot fight anymore
A hundred moons or more, he's been howling
Knock on the door, and scream that is soon ending
Mess on the floor again...

She should not lock the open door
(run away run away, run away)
Fullmoon is on the sky and he's not a man anymore
Sees the change in him but can't
(run away, run away, run away)
See what became out of her man

She should not lock the open door
(run away run away, run away)
Fullmoon is on the sky and he's not a man anymore
Sees the change in him but can't
(run away, run away, run away)
See what became out of her darling man

She should not lock the open door
(run away run away, run away)
Fullmoon is on the sky and he's not a man anymore

See what became out of her man
Wednesday, March 28th, 2007
12:24 pm
Who knows whats going?

Who knows whats going?

I don't. I'm just floating right now. Waiting for the two month mark so I can put my two weeks notice in and call it quits and leave this place. I feel so...misplaced here. I don't know why I ever came back. Well, I know I needed to get out of Michigan. I needed something different. I am glad I left. I became who I am because of that move. I am happy I am going back though.

The last year has been insane. One year ago, I was dating a girl in a wheel chair, a practical agnostic who didn;t know what to think about God. I was hardly playing guitar, but I didn't know what I wanted to do. I was taking photos, but I wasn't sure what I was doing. I was hardly ever drinking for fear of doing it to excess. Fast forward nearly 365 days. I am two and a half months out of a short (I consider it short because it did not break the one year mark), yet very serious, relationship that still affects me when I think on it too long. I am two months away from moving back to Michigan, moving back to my friends. I have a few different friends here that I am sad to leave, but they know why I am going. I am one week from becoming a fully fledged Catholic, something that even I wasn't sure I was going to stick with after January. I drink more than I did, but I have found the happy medium of where I can drink to a buzz, and stay in control. I feel more alive, yet more drained. I feel different. I feel a lot older. I guess this is the type of post you post around New Year's.

I have taken about 8 rolls of photos with the Holga. The color ones came out good, as far as I can tell by looking at the negatives. One of the black and white ones was not so great, but it was taken inside, which is no good for the Holga. The other is nice looking. I also took a color roll with the Minolta. As soon as I can get some of these scanned in I will post them on my Flickr.

As for the song today...its a good ol' Two for Tuesday deal, both by AC/DC. 'The Jack' and 'Night Prowler.' Both are about sex (no...not by AC/DC...gasp), but that is not the pure reason I am posting them. Bon Scott (God rest his soul), was an amazing lyricist and sculptor of images and words.

She gave me the Queen
She gave me the King
She was wheelin' and dealin'
Just doin' her thing
She was holdin' a pair
But I had to try
Her Deuce was wild
But my Ace was high
But how was I to know
That she'd been dealt with before
Said she'd never had a Full House
But I should have known
From the tattoo on her left leg
And the garter on her right
She'd have the card to bring me down
If she played it right

She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack
She's got the Jack

Poker face was her name
Poker face was her nature
Poker straight was her game
If she knew she could get you
She play'd 'em fast
And she play'd 'em hard
She could close her eyes
And feel every card
But how was I to know
That she'd been shuffled before
Said she'd never had a Royal Flush
But I should have known
That all the cards were comin'
From the bottom of the pack
And if I'd known what she was dealin' out
I'd have dealt it back

She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack, And who knows what else?
She's got the Jack, yeah, yeah
She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack
She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack, Ooh, was a bad deal, Jack
She gave me the Jack hey
She's got the Jack, She's got the Jack, She's got the Jack
Ooh, can't ya tell?
She's got the Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack
She's got the Jack, She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack, She's got the Jack
You Never know! She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack, She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack, and it hurts!
She's got the Jack
She's got the Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack
She's got the Jack
The great thing is that is a song about a girl who has some type of VD.

Somewhere a clock strikes midnight
And there's a full moon in the sky
You hear a dog bark in the distance
You hear someone's baby cry

A rat runs down the alley
And a chill runs down your spine
Someone walks across your grave
And you wish the sun would shine
No one's gonna warn you
And no one's gonna yell 'Attack'
And you don't feel the steel
Till it's hanging out your back

I'm your Night Prowler, asleep in the day
I'm your Night Prowler, get out of my way
Look out for the Night Prowler, watch you tonight
I'm the Night Prowler, when you turn out the light ...

Too scared to turn your light out
'Cos there's something on your mind
Was that a noise outside your window?
What's that shadow on the blind?
As you lie there naked
Like a body in a tomb
Suspended animation
As I slip into your room
I'm your Night Prowler, asleep in the day
I'm your Night Prowler, get out of my way
Look out for the Night Prowler, watch you tonight
I'm the Night Prowler, when you turn out the light ...

I think that this is beautiful because it is not about a serial killer or anything. Its about sneaking into your girlfriends bedroom. So nice.
Saturday, March 24th, 2007
11:21 am
Nerdy is as nerdy does.
I sat around after work today talking about World of Warcraft, computers, comics, and photography as the 6 foot tall, red goateed nerd that I am. And I loved it.

I also took some crazy pictures using my flash on the remote cord.

My Mom got me a Holga camera, 5 rolls of my favorite black and white film, and four rolls of color film. Two of them are Kodak's Vivid Color film, for beautiful colors, and two are Ilfords Ultra Color film. for garishly over saturated color. The lady at the camera store was hesitant to sell it to my Mom because she knew my mom was getting it for me and said. 'This makes the color saturated...like...really saturated.' And my Mom's response... 'Why do you think he wants it?' God I love her.

Were I not installing WoW right now, and incredibly sleepy, I would be editting photos. Methinks I will read the first Sandman comic book though.

The song for today is '3x5' by John Mayer. It is about living through a camera. I like that.

I'm writing you to
catch you up on places I've been
You held this letter
probably got excited, but there's nothing else inside it

didn't have a camera by my side this time
hoping I would see the world with both my eyes
maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm
in the mood to lose my way with words

Today skies are painted colors of a cowboy's cliche'
And strange how clouds that look like mountains in the sky
are next to mountains anyway

Didn't have a camera by my side this time
Hoping I would see the world with both my eyes
Maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm in the mood to lose my way
but let me say

You should have seen that sunrise with your own eyes
it brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
just no more 3x5's

Guess you had to be there
Guess you had to be with me

Today I finally overcame
tryin' to fit the world inside a picture frame
Maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm in the mood to
lose my way but let me say

You should have seen that sunrise with your own eyes
it brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
no more 3x5's
just no more 3x5's

I, of course, have come back to edit this post to tell all you faithful readers (I know I can count you on one hand) that more pictures have been loaded onto my Flickr (I am not linking off of it right now...too busy, and if you haven't bookmarked it yet/can't find the link, you don't love me), including one very interesting self portrait of me. Enjoy.

Friday, March 23rd, 2007
10:50 am
You lived your life like a candle in the wind.
I almost don't want to leave right now. I am still leaving. I will preface...or post-preface this blog with that. I am just speaking my mind.

I am so fired up right now. I have met someone that is a kindred spirit. We see eye to eye on so much. And in two and a half months, we go our separate ways, hopefully with good memories of our short time together.

And then I have a mentor. Someone who almost brought me to tears today by telling me that I was one of the few people in his class that shows promise as a photographer and he wanted to give me the number of a friend of his that is looking for an intern. The fact that a great photographer and person like John Gray thinks that of me makes me feel like I am glowing like the sun.

I turned around and took a bunch of pictures that I really like today. I helped Jesse with a photo project that he is working on mixing political lyrics with pictures. I have thought of taking lyrics and putting them with pictures, but mine are a bit more experimental or staged than the studio work that he was doing, and a bit more conceptual. I do like what he was comming up with. I am anxious to see how the pictures come out, as he was using a 4x5 camera.

I packed a lot of stuff tonight. I am really down to almost nothing. All my books, CD's, and DVD's are packed, with the exception with the few CD's I just got from my Mom and the Neil Gaiman book I am reading. I really just have clothes and furniture, and not much furniture.

I wonder where I will be in a year. I have no idea. I have no idea where anything will be in a few years.

If I could raise a toast to anyone right now, it would be Jesse, my kindred spirit in photography. He and I get along so well it is amazing. I wish Annette was there today. I think she would have had a blast today. She will be there next week though. Jesse is going to help me with a picture that I want taken of me with my guitar.

Jesse and I also figured out my self portrait. It is...interesting...to say the least. It is a lot different than I thought it would be. I will just say that it is an homage to Michelangelo. It is going to be interesting to do. I have no idea where I am going to take it. I would do it at school if I wasn't worried about someone making a fuss.

I am still listening to the blues. I am really digging the subtlety of the music and the power of the lyrics.

The song for today is 'Give Me Up Again' by Johnny Lang. I like his stuff a lot. He is one of those that most people don't think of right away when you say blues. Most people say Clapton, BB King, SRV, John Lee Hooker or someone else like that. Johnny is a young white boy who can lay it down. And man can he make you feel his emotion.

Make up your mind take me or leave me
I'll be doing fine with or without you
I'm wasting my time letting you deceive me
The truth is in your eyes but I deny what I see
Time and time again

I let you get back under my skin
I let you break me down again
I let you get close way too close
But I see through it

You gave me that smile and I gave in
And you knew that I would
Time and time again you pulled me in
Just to give me up, gime me up again

What is a dream if it doesn't come true
I believe I'll find love but will it be with you
I never would have thought such a pretty little face could
offer me so much and take all that I had
Well I want it back

I let you get back under my skin
I let you break me down again
I let you get close way too close
But I see through it

You gave me that smile and I gave in
And you knew that I would
Time and time again you pulled me in
Just to give me up, gime me up again

Time and time again you pulled me in
Just to give me up, give me up, give me up

I again will be posting more pics on my Flickr tonight. Check em out if you care to. t feel sso much better to listen to my music and edit photos. Right now...it is all about editting my photoshoot today to the beautiful sounds of the 'Diva Dance' from The Fifth Element.
Thursday, March 22nd, 2007
11:54 am
If there ever was a remedy for me being blue tonight, it was editting photos while listening to random music from my iTunes collection. Bella Morte, Alanis Morissette, A3, Barrage, 3 Doors Down, Birthday Massacre, the Black Crowes...just a mix really.

I posted some more pictures on my Flickr Check them out if you so desire.

I picked up American Gods by Neil Gaiman after church tonight. I think I am going to head off to bed to read that, after I finish this Birthday Massacre song. Yes, if you want to listen to some goth music that will fuck with your head, listen to 'Happy Birthday' by Birthday Massacre of of their album Violet. The lyrics alone make me feel creepy.

I think my friend said, "I hear footsteps."
I wore my black and white dress to the
birthday massacre, birthday massacre, birthday
I wore my black and white dress

I think my friend said, "Stick it in the back of her head."
I think my friend said, "Two of them are sisters."
"I'm a murder tramp, birthday boy", I think I said
"I'm gonna bash them in, bash them in", I think he said

Then we wished them all a happy birthday
We kissed them all goodnight. Now he chases me to my room,
chases me to my room, chases me
In my black and red dress

I think my friend said, "Don't forget the video."
I think my friend said, " Don't forget to smile."
"You're a murder tramp, murder tramp", I think he said
"You're a murder boy, birthday boy", I think I said
Wednesday, March 21st, 2007
7:28 pm
I feel really lonely. It set on last night. I had all set in last night. This really deep longing. Not to mention the cracked out dreams about Carmen. Those caught me off guard. I don't know why I was having those.

Compound all of that with the fact that my printer was not working correctly last night and I blew through about 20 dollars of paper making shitty prints, and I will most likely be up all night working on them, I am not entirely happy.

Work was dead and boring. I finished the book Stardust, which I discovered is being made into a movie, at work today. Next up for me is 'American Gods' from Neil Gaiman.

A saving grace is church tonight. Then I go home to yell at the printer.

Another critique tommorow, after an art history midterm. Abuse after more abuse. Oh joy.

The song for today is 'Lie to Me' by Johnny Lang. It was his first single, released when he was 16. It was good then and still is good now.
12:22 am
The Blues Don't Bother Me
It has been a bit since I posted last. Let us examine what has happened.
My Mom went out of town for a bit. I have been packing up a lot of stuff. I unpacked my new computer last night and moved all my important files over to it. I should be installing Photoshop some time this week so I can work on my pictures on my own computer at any time of the night without worrying about waking my mother with her computer. I have finally gotten over whatever sickness that I came down with. I am now in the process of ripping the CD's my Mom gave me onto the computer. I lost about 300 songs somewhere in the transfer of songs. I know some of them were Arch Enemy. Kind of ticks me off, but I will survive. I have been playing guitar almost every night. Today I was playing a lot of blues stuff. Not really the slow, dreary stuff, but the more up beat stuff. Upbeat blues...is that a contradiction. I have become enamored with the music of Joe Bonamassa and am thinking about digging the blues songs I was working on about 8 months ago out of the closet and seeing what will happen with them. I was working on a new song today. For some reason I feel that the blues is my eternal way of getting my relationship feelings out. Not just the bad ones either. I have been working on something that just talks about a good relationship, but it is a blues song. Kind of weird. Don't get me wrong...there is some scathing stuff comming out too about some previous signifigant others. To quote the line from Stigmata, "I wasn't so signifigant."

I decided to get away from DeviantArt because it is not so much my favorite layout, so I have decided to move my photo gallery to Flickr. The site is here. There aren't a whole lot of pictures up right now, but the ones that are up are some newer stuff, or at least stuff I hadn't released yet. I like that I can make albums and separate my work.

Neil Gaiman is now one of my favorite authors, if not just because me makes some seriously crazy stories. I just finished Neverwhere and have started in on Stardust. I know that everyone tells me to read American Gods and Anansi Boys. I happened to have recieved the ones I have now for free, so I am reading them first. I read the graphic novel for Neverwhere after I read the book, and it was crazy. It made me realize just how insane his visions can be. I cant wait to get into the other books.

The weather needs to change. I am tired of overcast, cold weather. I want to drop the top without having to worry about getting another cold.

I am anxious about moving. Two and half months.

Easter is just around the corner. Two weeks until the big dunk. Excuse me if I am a bit nervous.

I have an idea for a picture that I am going to ask someone to take of me at school. It would work for an album cover, but I am not sure if that is what I would use it for. Tammy took a great picture of her husband and his guitar and she said she would take one of me if I wanted. I like the idea.

The song for today is 'When She Dances' by Joe Bonamassa. The song makes me long for a relationship and someone to love and be with. Someone to dance with, even if it is just alone in the living room.
Thursday, March 15th, 2007
10:56 pm
Connection over pictures
I am getting a good connection with three people in my photo class. It almost makes me not want to leave. Jesse, Annette and Tammy are the coolest people. I love being in class with them.

I hauled something like 50 boxes down to the garage today. My legs are exhausted.

My hair is cut. I am getting used to it.

The song for today is 'Zzyzx Rd.' by Stone Sour. The song echos what I feel.

I don't know how else to put this
It's taken me so long to do this
I'm falling asleep and I can't see straight
My muscles feel like a melee
My body's curled in a U-shape
I put on my best but I'm still afraid

Propped up by lies and promises
Saving my place as life forgets
Maybe its time I saw the world

I'm only here for a while
But patience is not my style
And I'm so tired that I gotta go

Where am I supposed to hide now?
What am I suppose to do?
Did you really think I wouldn't see this through

Tell me I should stick around for you
Tell me I could have it all
I'm still too tired to care and I gotta go

I get to go home in one week
But I leaving home in three weeks
They throw me a bone just to pick me dry

I'm following suit and directions
I crawl up inside for protection
I'm told what to do and I don't know why

I'm over existing in limbo
I'm over the myths and placebos
I don't really mind if I just fade away

I'm ready to live with my family
I'm ready to die in obscurity
Cause I'm so tired that I gotta go

Where am I supposed to hide now?
What am I suppose to do?
You still don't think I'm going see this through

Tell me I'm a part of history
Tell me I can have it all
I'm still to tired to care and I gotta go

Oh yeah
Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah.

Still too tired to care and I gotta go
Still too tired to care and I gotta go
Still too tired to care and I gotta go

Yeah, yeah

Still to tired to care and I gotta go

Go home

Still to tired to care and I gotta go

Yeah yeah

Still to tired to care and I gotta go
Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
10:34 pm
Drugged and dying
I still feel like I am dying, despite what the doctor told me. I want House...he'd know what was wrong with me. I took my incredibly narcotic cough syrup...hopefully it knocks me out. I didn't go to either of my classes today because I just feel horrible. I did watch some TV and play some guitar and sort out some negatives and pack something like 8 boxes. I have now emptied my two big book shelves of their contents (mainly books and magazines on music, photography and Dungeons and Dragons), as well as all the CD's in my collection that I have not put on my computer. My Mom gave me about 30 or 40 more when she cleaned out her collection. I also packed all my DVD's. I still have all my paperbacks and a whole bunch of other stuff, but getting those items packed felt good. There's something like 13 boxes packed so far...no...14.

My computer shipped today. I may have it by Friday...otherwise on Monday.

Mom is going out of town on Saturday for four days....party and orgy at Steve's....not really.

Easter is right around the bend. I'm a little nervous. Not incredibly so....but lets just say the Devil has been tempting me a bit lately. *shrug* Bring it on...

Wow...head feeling a bit fuzzy...this is some good shit. Maybe I will actually sleep. Typing is getting harder.

The song for today is 'Dead Eyes See No Future' by Arch Enemy. I watched their live DVD today and it still blows me away.

Giving our blood
To the doomsday machine
Fighting for ravaged land
A worthless gain
Marching on a dead end road

A violent new disorder
Feeding off mistrust
Forgot what we were fighting for
A worthless aim
A victory stinking of despair

Dead eyes
See no future
Falling from grace
We are coming home

Battalions of hate
Seeking shelter in hell
Bloodstained memories
Will we ever be forgiven
Our twisted fate
Time will tell
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